How Your Self-Esteem Affects Your Mental Health

How Your Self-Esteem Affects Your Mental Health

by | Apr 4, 2023 | Anxiety, Depression, Emotions, mental health

Many women face significant challenges when it comes to mental health, including anxiety, depression, and other related issues. One critical factor that affects mental health in women is self-esteem. Low self-esteem can have a profound impact on women’s mental health, leading to negative thoughts, feelings, and behaviors that can impede personal growth and overall well-being. Therefore, it is essential for women to understand how self-esteem affects mental health and to take proactive steps to improve their self-esteem and overall mental health.

Having a low self-esteem is something many people of all ages deal with. Low self-esteem is not considered a mental health disorder in and of itself. However, it can be a contributing factor to the development or exacerbation of mental health issues such as anxiety, depression, and eating disorders. Additionally, low self-esteem can significantly impact an individual’s quality of life, relationships, and overall well-being. Therefore, it is important to address and improve low self-esteem to promote mental health and overall wellness.

What is Self-Esteem?

Self-esteem refers to the value, worth, and belief that an individual has in themselves. It is a critical component of mental health and affects every aspect of an individual’s life. Self-esteem can be influenced by various factors, such as personal experiences, social interactions, and cultural value

Someone with a healthy or high self-esteem thinks positively about themselves and their abilities. They believe they are deserving of respect and have no problems setting healthy boundaries.

Individuals with low self-esteems do not feel very good about themselves. They constantly measure themselves against others and always come up short. They may not think they are worthy of love and respect and will typically not set healthy boundaries, allowing others to take advantage of them.

How Does a Low Self-Esteem Affect Mental Health?

Low self-esteem can have a profound impact on mental health. Women with low self-esteem often experience negative thoughts and feelings about themselves, which can lead to anxiety, depression, and other mental health issues. Low self-esteem can also affect women’s relationships, career, and overall quality of life.

Women with low self-esteem may struggle with making decisions, asserting themselves, and setting boundaries. They may also engage in self-destructive behaviors, such as substance abuse, disordered eating, or self-harm.

The following are some ways a low self-esteem can impact a person’s mental health:

Poor Relationships 

Human beings are wired for connections. But when we have low self-esteem, we tend to not put ourselves “out there” socially and even tend to isolate, which can lead to poor relationships and loneliness.

Addiction

Studies have indicated low self-esteem in childhood can lead to addictions later in life. Mandy addicts use alcohol and other substances as a way to cope with negative feelings about themselves.

Depression and Anxiety

Living with low self-esteem day after day, week after week, can very much take its toll and eventually lead to the development of depression and anxiety.

 

The Importance of High Self-Esteem for Mental Health

High self-esteem is essential for mental health and overall well-being. Women with high self-esteem are more likely to have positive self-talk, feel confident, and be resilient. They are also more likely to set healthy boundaries, engage in self-care, and pursue their goals.

Women with high self-esteem are better equipped to handle life’s challenges, including stressful situations, setbacks, and failures. They are also more likely to form healthy relationships, communicate effectively, and have a positive outlook on life.

 

Strategies to Improve Self-Esteem and Mental Health

Challenge Negative Self-Talk

Negative self-talk is a common obstacle to self-esteem and mental health. Women can improve their self-esteem by challenging negative thoughts and replacing them with positive affirmations. This can involve reframing negative statements into positive ones, such as “I am capable and competent” instead of “I am not good enough.”

Practice Self-Care

Self-care is an essential aspect of improving self-esteem and mental health. Women should prioritize activities that bring joy, relaxation, and fulfillment, such as exercise, meditation, or hobbies. Self-care also involves taking care of physical health, such as maintaining a balanced diet, getting enough sleep, and limiting substance use.

Set Realistic Goals

Setting realistic goals is crucial for improving self-esteem and mental health. Women should set goals that align with their values, interests, and abilities. They should also break down larger goals into smaller, achievable steps, which can boost self-confidence and motivation.

Surround Yourself with Positive People

The people we surround ourselves with can have a significant impact on our self-esteem and mental health. Women should seek out positive, supportive relationships and limit contact with toxic or negative individuals.

Seek Professional Help

If low self-esteem is affecting mental health, seeking professional help is crucial. A therapist or counselor can provide guidance, support, and treatment for mental health issues, including low self-esteem.

Conclusion

Self-esteem is a critical factor affecting mental health in women. Low self-esteem can lead to anxiety, depression, and other mental health issues, while high self-esteem can lead to resilience, confidence, and overall well-being. Women can improve their self-esteem and mental health by challenging negative self-talk, practicing self-care, setting realistic goals, surrounding themselves with positive people, and seeking professional help when necessary. By prioritizing self-esteem and mental health, women can lead fulfilling, meaningful lives.

 

If you are struggling with low self-esteem or other mental health issues, seeking professional help can make a significant difference. Restore Renew Revive Counselling & Couples Therapy offers a safe and supportive environment where women can explore their thoughts and emotions and develop practical strategies for improving their mental health and overall well-being. To schedule an appointment or learn more about our services, please visit our website at https://restorecounselling.ca or call us at 902-702-7722. Don’t hesitate to reach out – we are here to help.

 

 

 

 

SOURCES:

https://www.nami.org/Blogs/NAMI-Blog/July-2016/Why-Self-Esteem-Is-Important-for-Mental-Health

https://www.hormona.io/why-self-esteem-affects-your-mental-health/

https://fherehab.com/learning/self-esteem-mental-health

Understanding the Relationship Between Stress and Mental Health

Understanding the Relationship Between Stress and Mental Health

by | Mar 31, 2023 | Anxiety, Depression, Emotions, Issues for Women, mental health, Motherhood

Understanding the Relationship Between Stress and Mental Health

Stress is a common experience that everyone encounters from time to time. Stress is a natural part of life, but it can become overwhelming when left unmanaged. While a little bit of stress can be motivating and helpful, too much stress can negatively impact our mental health.

High levels of stress can have a significant impact on mental health, leading to issues like anxiety, depression, and burnout. With the ongoing challenges of modern life, many people struggle to manage their stress levels effectively, leading to a negative impact on their mental and emotional wellbeing. In this article, we’ll explore the relationship between stress and mental health, common signs of stress, and effective strategies for managing stress to promote better mental health.

Signs of Stress: How to Recognize When Stress is Becoming Too Much

Stress is a natural response to the demands of daily life, but when it becomes overwhelming, it can have negative effects on both mental and physical health. Being able to recognize the signs of stress is essential to managing it effectively.

Physical Signs of Stress

Headaches and Migraines: Stress can cause tension in the muscles, leading to headaches and migraines.

Muscle Tension: Stress can cause muscle tension, leading to stiffness, pain, and soreness.

Fatigue: Stress can cause fatigue, leaving you feeling drained and lacking in energy.

Digestive Problems: Stress can cause digestive problems such as stomach cramps, diarrhea, and constipation.

Sleep Problems: Stress can make it difficult to fall asleep, stay asleep, or get restful sleep.

Mental and Emotional Signs of Stress

Anxiety: Stress can lead to feelings of anxiety, worry, and nervousness.

Irritability: Stress can cause irritability, making it difficult to control emotions and react calmly to situations.

Depression: Stress can cause feelings of sadness, hopelessness, and despair.

Lack of Concentration: Stress can make it difficult to focus and concentrate, leading to decreased productivity and difficulty completing tasks.

Changes in Appetite: Stress can cause changes in appetite, leading to overeating or loss of appetite.

How Stress Impacts Mental Health

When we experience chronic stress, it can have a negative impact on our mental health. Prolonged stress can lead to feelings of anxiety, depression, and overwhelm. In addition, stress can exacerbate existing mental health conditions, such as anxiety disorders and mood disorders.

Stress can also have physical effects on the brain. Chronic stress can cause the amygdala (the part of the brain responsible for our emotional responses) to become overactive, leading to heightened anxiety and feelings of stress.

Stress activates the body’s fight or flight response, releasing hormones such as cortisol and adrenaline, which prepare the body to deal with the perceived threat. While this response can be helpful in some situations, chronic stress can lead to an overactive stress response and have negative effects on mental health.

Here are some of the ways stress can impact mental health:

Anxiety: Stress can lead to feelings of worry, fear, and apprehension. In some cases, chronic stress can lead to the development of anxiety disorders, such as generalized anxiety disorder or panic disorder.

Depression: Chronic stress can increase the risk of developing depression. It can also exacerbate existing depression symptoms.

Insomnia: Stress can make it difficult to fall asleep or stay asleep, leading to insomnia. Chronic insomnia can have negative effects on mental health, including increased risk of anxiety and depression.

Cognitive difficulties: Chronic stress can lead to cognitive difficulties, such as trouble concentrating, forgetfulness, and decreased productivity.

Burnout: Chronic stress can lead to burnout, a state of emotional, physical, and mental exhaustion that can lead to decreased job performance, decreased job satisfaction, and increased risk of mental health conditions.

Coping with Stress in Motherhood: Unique Challenges

Motherhood is one of the most challenging roles a woman can undertake. It is a demanding job that requires a lot of emotional, physical, and mental stamina. Stress can impact a mother’s mental and physical health, as well as the quality of her relationship with her child. It can be overwhelming and difficult to know where to start in managing stress.

The Impact of Stress on Motherhood

Stress can have a significant impact on a mother’s mental and physical health. The following are some ways in which stress can affect mothers:

Mental Health: Stress can lead to anxiety, depression, and other mental health issues in mothers. It can also cause them to have difficulty sleeping, eating, and concentrating.

Physical Health: Stress can cause physical symptoms such as headaches, muscle tension, and fatigue. It can also weaken the immune system, making mothers more susceptible to illnesses.

Mother-Child Relationship: Stress can negatively impact the relationship between a mother and her child. It can cause mothers to be less responsive, less warm, and less nurturing towards their children.

Effective Strategies for Managing Stress and Improving Mental Health

Cultivating Self-Care Practices to Combat Stress

In today’s fast-paced world, stress has become a common experience for many people. While it is impossible to avoid stress entirely, cultivating self-care practices can help individuals combat the negative effects of stress on their physical and mental health.

Self-care refers to the practices individuals engage in to promote their physical, emotional, and mental well-being. Engaging in self-care practices regularly can help you manage stress, prevent burnout, and promote overall well-being. Here are some reasons why self-care is essential:

Self-Care Practices to Combat Stress

Here are some self-care practices that can help you combat stress and promote overall well-being:

Exercise: Regular exercise can help reduce stress by promoting the release of endorphins, the body’s natural mood-boosters.

Meditation: Meditation can help reduce stress by promoting relaxation and reducing anxiety.

Yoga: Yoga combines physical movement and mindfulness, making it an excellent practice for reducing stress and promoting relaxation. Give Yoga with Adriene a try!

Spending time with loved ones: Spending time with friends and family can help reduce stress by providing a support system and promoting feelings of happiness and joy.

Engaging in hobbies: Engaging in hobbies can help reduce stress by providing an outlet for creativity and promoting relaxation.

Getting enough sleep: Getting enough sleep is essential for physical and mental health. Aim for 7-9 hours of sleep each night to promote overall well-being.

Eating a healthy diet: Eating a healthy diet can improve physical and mental health by providing essential nutrients and promoting overall wellness.

Mindfulness and Stress Reduction Techniques

Mindfulness is a practice that has gained popularity in recent years for its ability to reduce stress and improve overall well-being. It involves paying attention to the present moment and accepting one’s thoughts and feelings without judgment. By doing so, individuals can gain a better understanding of themselves and their emotions, which can help them manage stress more effectively.

Mindfulness is a form of meditation that involves focusing on the present moment and accepting one’s thoughts and feelings without judgment. By doing so, individuals can gain a better understanding of their emotions and develop a greater sense of self-awareness. Mindfulness is a useful tool for managing stress because it can help individuals become more aware of their stress triggers and develop effective coping mechanisms.

Here are some mindfulness-based stress reduction techniques that can help you manage stress effectively:

Mindful Breathing: Mindful breathing involves focusing on your breath and observing the sensations of the air moving in and out of your body. This practice can help you feel more relaxed and centered. Give Insight Timer a try. It’s free and has so many great mindfulness activities to explore.

Body Scan Meditation: Body scan meditation involves focusing on different parts of your body and observing any sensations or discomfort. By doing so, you can become more aware of tension in your body and release it.

Mindful Walking: Mindful walking involves walking slowly and focusing on the sensations of your feet touching the ground. This practice can help you feel more grounded and present. Check out this 10 minute mindful walking meditation.

Loving-Kindness Meditation: Loving-kindness meditation involves sending positive thoughts and feelings to yourself and others. This practice can help you develop feelings of compassion and reduce stress. Here is one by Kristin Neff.

Mindful Eating: Mindful eating involves paying attention to the taste, texture, and sensations of the food you are eating. By doing so, you can develop a greater appreciation for food and reduce stress related to eating.

Seeking Support: The Importance of Connection and Community

Stress is an inevitable part of life, and it can take a toll on our mental and physical health. While self-care practices and mindfulness techniques can be helpful in managing stress, seeking support from others is also crucial for maintaining good mental health. Connection and community can provide a sense of belonging, reduce feelings of isolation, and offer a support system during difficult times.

The Importance of Connection

Humans are social creatures, and our need for connection with others is essential for our well-being. Connection with others can provide a sense of belonging, reduce feelings of loneliness and isolation, and improve our mood and overall quality of life. In times of stress, connection with others can offer emotional support, encouragement, and a safe space to share our experiences.

The Importance of Community

Community refers to a group of people who share common interests, values, or goals. Community can provide a sense of purpose and belonging, reduce feelings of isolation and loneliness, and offer support and encouragement during difficult times. Joining a community can be an excellent way to meet new people, engage in activities that bring joy, and develop a support system.

Supportive Relationships

Supportive relationships can help us manage stress and improve our mental health. A supportive relationship involves mutual respect, trust, and empathy. It is a safe space where individuals can share their thoughts, feelings, and experiences without judgment. Supportive relationships can provide emotional support, encouragement, and a sense of belonging.

Professional Support

Professional support can be an essential part of managing stress and improving mental health. Professional support can include therapy, counseling, or coaching. A mental health professional can provide a safe space to discuss stressors, develop coping strategies, and improve overall well-being.

You Can Cope Effectively With Stress

Stress can have a significant impact on our mental health. Particularly in motherhood, managing stress effectively is very important because it can impact your mental and physical health, as well as the quality of relationship with your child. Effective strategies for managing stress and improving mental health include self-care, social support, mindfulness, time management, and seeking professional help. By implementing these strategies, you can better manage stress, improve your mental health, and create a healthy and positive relationship with your children.

If you find yourself struggling with stress and are in need of additional support, consider seeking the help of a professional therapist. At Restore Renew Revive Counselling & Couples Therapy, we offer a safe and supportive space for women to work through their challenges and develop effective coping strategies. Contact us today at 902-702-7722 or visit our website at https://restorecounselling.ca to learn more about how we can help you restore balance, renew your energy, and revive your spirit. Take the first step towards a healthier and happier you today.

How to Cope More Effectively With Anxiety

How to Cope More Effectively With Anxiety

by | Mar 31, 2023 | anxiety diorder, Emotions, Issues for Women, Motherhood, New Mother

Are you tired of feeling weighed down by the relentless burden of anxiety? Does it seem like anxiety is constantly holding you back from enjoying life to the fullest? If you’re struggling with the impact of anxiety on your mental health, relationships, and daily functioning, you’re not alone. Anxiety can be overwhelming and debilitating, affecting millions of people worldwide.  There are practical coping strategies that can help you overcome the challenges of anxiety and learn how to cope more effectively.

Why do we Experience Anxiety

Anxiety is a complex emotional and physiological response to perceived threats or stressors. It involves the activation of the body’s stress response system, which is designed to prepare the body to respond to potential dangers. When we are feeling anxious, our body has shifted from the parasympathetic branch of the nervous system, also known as the “rest and digest” or “feed and breed” system, to the sympathetic branch of the nervous system, also known as the “fight, flight, freeze or fawn” system.  The sympathetic nervous system is responsible for preparing the body to respond to perceived threats or stressors by initiating the stress response and is activated during times of stress, danger, or intense physical activity.

There are two pathways to the activation of our stress response one is through our prefrontal cortex (the logic centre of our brain that is located iin the forhead region over our eyes) and the other is activated through the amygdala/thalamus (although the amygdala is actually involved in both paths). The amygdala pathway is often referred to as the “low road” (see video below by Russ Harris) and when the brain detects a sensory message of danger via the thalamus, it automatically sends this information to the amygdala.  The amygdala then shares the message and rapidly activates the other parts of our brain and our body to prepare itself to respond to a threat with a fight, flight or freeze response with the release of cortisol and adrenaline.  If a person notices that they are feeling anxious for no apparent reason, this is a sign that the amygdala pathway has been activated.  

The second pathway involves the prefrontal cortex, which is the thinking part of the brain.  This pathway into the stress response, known as the “high road”  is a response that is activated on a more conscious level through the evauation of information, either our thoughts or in our environment.  This danger can be real, remembered or percieved.  These thoughts from the prefrontal cortex then activate the stress response by sending a message to the amygdala about the danger that needs to be responded to.  

Watch this video below by Russ Harris who explains more about these pathways into the experience of anxiety.

 

Signs of Anxiety

Anxiety is a common and normal human emotion that we all feel from time to time. However, when anxiety becomes chronic or overwhelming, it can significantly impact our daily lives and relationships. Anxiety can manifest in a variety of ways, and symptoms can vary from person to person. Here are some common signs of anxiety to watch out for:

Physical Symptoms

Rapid heartbeat or palpitations

Sweating or trembling

Shortness of breath or difficulty breathing

Dizziness or lightheadedness

Fatigue or muscle tension

Insomnia or difficulty sleeping

Emotional Symptoms

Feeling overwhelmed or out of control

Excessive worry or fear

Difficulty concentrating or focusing

Irritability or restlessness

Avoidance or withdrawal from social situations

Negative self-talk or self-doubt

 

How to Cope More Effectively with Anxiety

Here are some practical strategies that can help you cope more effectively with anxiety:

1. Practice Mindfulness

Mindfulness involves being present and fully engaged in the current moment, rather than worrying about the future or dwelling on the past. Mindfulness techniques such as deep breathing, meditation, and progressive muscle relaxation can help calm the nervous system and reduce anxiety symptoms.

2. Exercise Regularly

Physical activity can be a powerful tool for managing anxiety. Exercise releases endorphins, which are natural mood-boosters, and can help reduce stress and tension in the body.

3. Connect with Supportive People

Talking to trusted friends or family members about your anxiety can help you feel less alone and more understood. Consider joining a support group or seeking therapy to receive professional support and guidance.

4. Practice Self-Care

Self-care activities such as getting enough sleep, eating a balanced diet, and engaging in hobbies or activities you enjoy can help reduce stress and improve overall well-being.

5. Challenge Negative Thoughts

Negative self-talk and self-doubt can contribute to feelings of anxiety. Practice challenging these negative thoughts by focusing on evidence that supports positive beliefs about yourself and your abilities.

When to Seek Professional Help to Cope More Effectively With Anxiety

While these coping strategies can be helpful for managing anxiety, they may not be enough for everyone. If your anxiety is interfering with your daily life or you’re finding it difficult to manage on your own, consider seeking professional help. A therapist can provide additional support and guidance in managing anxiety symptoms.

Anxiety is a common experience, but it doesn’t have to control your life. By recognizing the signs of anxiety and taking steps to manage it, you can feel more in control and improve your overall well-being. Consider incorporating some of these coping strategies into your daily routine and don’t hesitate to seek professional support if you need it.

If you’re struggling with anxiety and would like support in developing coping strategies, don’t hesitate to reach out to us at Restore Renew Revive Counselling & Couples Therapy. I am here to help. Contact us at 902-702-7722 or visit our website at https://restorecounselling.ca to learn more.

How the Nervous System Affects Your Mental Health

How the Nervous System Affects Your Mental Health

by | Mar 31, 2023 | Anxiety, Depression, Emotions, health, mental health

How the Nervous System Affects Your Mental Health: The Link Between Nervous System Dysregulation and Mental Health

Many people today struggle with mental health issues such as anxiety and depression. While there are many factors that can contribute to these conditions, one important factor to consider is the role of the nervous system. Our nervous system plays a critical role in regulating our thoughts, emotions, and behaviour. When the nervous system is functioning properly, we are able to respond to stress and challenges in a healthy and adaptive way. However, when the nervous system becomes dysregulated, it can lead to a range of mental health issues. In this article, we will explore the ways in which the nervous system affects mental health and discuss some strategies for promoting nervous system regulation.

The Role of the Sympathetic and Parasympathetic Nervous Systems

Your nervous system is a bit like the Internet; it is a large network of specialized cells called neurons that “talk to each other.” These messages, which are really electrical signals, travel between your brain, skin, organs, muscles and glands. And all of the messages help your body to feel sensations, move and work correctly, and help important information get back to the brain. 

The nervous system is divided into two main branches: the sympathetic and parasympathetic nervous systems. The sympathetic nervous system is responsible for the “fight or flight” response, which is activated in response to perceived threats or danger. The parasympathetic nervous system, on the other hand, is responsible for the “rest and digest” response, which is activated when the body is in a relaxed state.

Once you begin to understand that the nervous system is what powers the rest of your body, all of its organs and other systems, you begin to realize how important it is to keep your nervous system healthy. Any hit to your nervous system can result in headaches, migraines, anxiety, depression, learning difficulties and more.

Nervous System Dysregulation and Anxiety

Anxiety is a common mental health condition that is often associated with nervous system dysregulation. When the sympathetic nervous system is chronically activated, it can lead to feelings of anxiety, fear, and panic. This is because the body is constantly in a state of hyperarousal, which can make it difficult to relax and feel calm.

Nervous System Dysregulation and Depression

Depression is another common mental health condition that is linked to nervous system dysregulation. When the parasympathetic nervous system is not functioning properly, it can lead to feelings of sadness, hopelessness, and despair. This is because the body is not able to activate its natural relaxation response, which can make it difficult to feel calm and content.

Nervous System Dysregulation and Trauma

Trauma is another factor that can contribute to nervous system dysregulation. When a person experiences a traumatic event, their nervous system may become “stuck” in a state of hyperarousal or dissociation. This can lead to a range of mental health issues, including anxiety, depression, and PTSD.

Strategies for Promoting Nervous System Regulation

Fortunately, there are many strategies that can help to promote nervous system regulation and support mental health.

Here are some strategies to consider:

1. Deep Breathing

Deep breathing is a simple and effective way to promote nervous system regulation. When we take deep breaths, we activate the parasympathetic nervous system, which helps us feel calm and relaxed. Try taking a few deep breaths when you’re feeling stressed or anxious, and see how it affects your mood.

2. Mindfulness Meditation

Mindfulness meditation is another powerful tool for promoting nervous system regulation. By focusing our attention on the present moment, we can calm our sympathetic nervous system and activate our parasympathetic nervous system. Regular mindfulness practice has been shown to reduce symptoms of anxiety and depression. Consider exploring some of the mindfulness apps like Headspace, Calm or my personal favourite Insight Timer.

3. Exercise

Regular exercise is essential for promoting nervous system regulation. When we exercise, we activate the sympathetic nervous system, which helps us feel energized and alert. But exercise also has a parasympathetic response, helping us to feel relaxed and calm after a workout. Even gentle movement like yoga can be very beneficial or a quick 7 minute workout like the 7 App

4. Sleep

Getting enough sleep is crucial for promoting nervous system regulation. When we’re sleep-deprived, our sympathetic nervous system can go into overdrive, leaving us feeling anxious and irritable. Aim for 7-9 hours of sleep each night to keep your nervous system in balance. If you are having a hard time winding down, try yoga Nidra

5. Social Support

Having strong social connections can also help promote nervous system regulation. When we feel supported and connected to others, our parasympathetic nervous system is activated, reducing feelings of stress and anxiety. Make time for social activities that you enjoy, and reach out to loved ones when you need support.

By understanding the ways in which the nervous system affects mental health, we can begin to take steps to support our overall well-being and promote greater resilience in the face of life’s challenges.

 

If you’re struggling with mental health issues and want support in promoting nervous system regulation, consider reaching out to Restore Renew Revive Counselling & Couples Therapy. Our experienced therapist can help you develop practical strategies for managing anxiety, depression, trauma, and other mental health issues. To learn more about our services, visit our website at https://restorecounselling.ca or give us a call at 902-702-7722.

Silence Your Inner Critic

Silence Your Inner Critic

by | Mar 31, 2023 | Anxiety, anxiety diorder, Emotions, Issues for Women, self esteem

We all have an inner critic.  What is an inner critic, you might ask?  Your inner critic is that voice in your head that tells you you’re not good enough, smart enough, or talented enough. It’s the voice that points out our flaws and shortcomings, and makes us feel inadequate or ashamed.

This voice may have developed in childhood from overly critical or negative parenting.  It may have developed as a result of childhood or relationship trauma.  Perhaps it seems like its only recently developed out of stressful workplace situations.  Regardless of the origin of your inner critic, learning to silence it, or at least not be led by it, is important.

While some degree of self-criticism can be helpful for self-improvement and growth, too much of it can be harmful to our mental health and well-being. Learning to silence your inner critic can be a difficult but important step in building a more positive relationship with yourself. In this post, we’ll explore some of the reasons why it’s hard to silence your inner critic, and offer some strategies for overcoming it.

The Problem of Self-Criticism

Self-criticism can be a pervasive and damaging pattern of thinking that can impact our self-esteem, relationships, and overall well-being. Whether it’s negative self-talk, perfectionism, people pleasing, or avoiding asking for your needs to be met in relationships, self-criticism can take many forms and can be a difficult pattern to break.

For many women, self-criticism can be a pervasive and damaging pattern of thinking that can impact their self-esteem, relationships, and overall well-being. Their inner critic is constantly judging and criticizing them, focusing on all their flaws and mistakes, and leaving them feeling inadequate or insecure. 

The Perfectionism Trap

You may believe that by being hard on yourself, you can prevent failure and achieve success. Failure feels as though it’s a personal flaw or a reflection of your worth as a person and the solution to this is to dot every ‘I’ and cross every ‘t’ to make sure you get it right.  While perfectionism may feel like a safe coping strategy that will help you avoid disappointing yourself and others, it is in fact a trap.  

While in the short term it may have some pay offs (which is why people continue to do it), in the long run this can sabotage your ability to achieve your goals.  Kristen Neff, a leading researcher on self compassion has found that “people who are compassionate to themselves are much less likely to be depressed, anxious, and stressed, and are much more likely to be happy, resilient, and optimistic about their future. In short, they have better mental health.” By recognizing the ways in which perfectionism contributes to self-criticism, we can begin to shift towards a more self-compassionate mindset.

 

 

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Silence Your Inner Critic

Here are 5 strategies to help you cope more effectively with your inner critic;

1. Practice Mindfulness

Over time, your inner critic can become a deeply ingrained pattern of thought that feels automatic and difficult to control. You may have been criticizing yourself for years, and it can be hard to break the cycle. Your brain is wired to reinforce patterns of thought and behavior that are repeated over time, which is why breaking a habit can be so challenging. To overcome this, you need to create new neural pathways by practicing new patterns of thought and behavior. In order to silence your inner critic, you must first become aware of it. You cannot change what you are not aware of, right? And this is where mindful self-awareness comes in.

One strategy for breaking the habit of self-criticism is to become more aware of your inner dialogue. Start paying attention to the thoughts that go through your head throughout the day.  Mindfulness is really just the practice of being present in the moment and observing our thoughts and feelings without judgment. By cultivating mindfulness, we can become more aware of our self-critical thoughts and learn to respond to them in a more compassionate and balanced way. In addition, mindfulness teaches us that we are not our thoughts, we are the observer of them. Notice when you’re being self-critical and allow those thoughts to pass withouth holding onto them or idnetifying with them. This is a powerful shift that can change your life.

2. Diffuse from the Inner Critic

When we notice a self-critical thought, we can try not to hold onto it so tightly. This is referred to as diffusion in ACT (Acceptance and Committment Therapy) . Steven Hayes is a prominent psychologist and the founder of ACT.  In his work, Hayes has emphasized the role of the “inner critic,” According to Hayes, the inner critic is a normal and natural part of the human experience, but it can become problematic when we start to believe its messages and allow it to dictate our behavior. In ACT, the goal is not to eliminate the inner critic, but rather to learn to relate to it in a different way, so that it has less power over our thoughts and behaviour.

When you’re caught up in your inner critic’s thoughts, it can be hard to see them for what they are – just thoughts. Defusion techniques can help you step back from your thoughts and observe them from a more objective perspective. Some defusion techniques include:

  • Saying your thoughts out loud in a silly voice
  • Imagining your thoughts written on a cloud that floats away
  • Thanking your inner critic for its input, but acknowledging that you don’t need it right now

3. Embrace Imperfection

Perfectionism can be a major source of self-criticism, so learning to embrace imperfection is an important step towards reducing self-criticism. By accepting that mistakes and flaws are a natural part of the human experience, we can let go of the need to be perfect and focus on self-acceptance instead.

Part of embracing imperfection is also refusing to fall into the comparison trap. In a world where 24/7 social media would have us believe that everyone else is smarter, thinner, richer and generally better than we are, it’s hard not to compare ourselves to others. But doing so only gives your inner critic weapons to use against you.

Russ Harris is a well-known author and therapist who is also a leader in acceptance and commitment therapy (ACT). In his book “The Happiness Trap,” Harris emphasizes the importance of avoiding the comparison trap, which is the tendency to compare ourselves to others and judge our worth based on external standards or achievements.

According to Harris, the comparison trap can be a major source of unhappiness and dissatisfaction, as it creates a constant sense of inadequacy and a never-ending cycle of striving for more. Instead of comparing ourselves to others, Harris suggests focusing on our own values and goals, and striving to live in accordance with them, regardless of how others may be doing. This helps us to embrace our imperfections but also to live more fully as the person we want to be.

 

 

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4. Cultivate Self-Compassion

You would never treat others the way you treat yourself. Begin to treat yourself with the compassion you would a small child or a friend in need. No one is perfect. But all of us are worthy of love, kindness and respect. By learning how to show ourselves more love, kindness and respect through the practice of self-compassion.

 Kristin Neff is a pioneering researcher in the field of self-compassion and has developed a model of self-compassion that includes three core components:

 

Self-Kindness: Being warm and understanding towards ourselves when we suffer, fail, or feel inadequate, rather than being harshly self-critical.

 

Common Humanity: Recognizing that suffering and feelings of inadequacy are a natural part of the human experience, rather than feeling isolated or alone in our struggles.

 

Mindfulness: Observing our thoughts and feelings with openness and curiosity, rather than getting lost in them or suppressing them.

 

Neff has found that increased self-compassion carries all the benefits of self-esteem (happiness, less depression, etc.) but without any of the down sides (not sustainable and can lead to narcissistic qualities).   Social Researcher Brene Brown notes that self-compassion helps increase our likelihood of being more vulnerable and able to connect with others.  Here are some interesting clips of Kristen and Brene talking together about self -esteem and self-compassion 

On her website,  Kristin Neff offers a number of beautiful  exercises and practices for cultivating self-compassion, including guided meditations, journaling prompts, and other tools that can help individuals learn to treat themselves with greater kindness and understanding. 

 

Seek Support

Finally, it’s important to remember that overcoming self-criticism is a process that can take time and effort. Seeking support from a therapist or counsellor can be an invaluable resource for learning to manage self-criticism and developing more self-compassion.  If you’re tired of hearing that nagging voice inside your head that tells you you’re not good enough therapy can help you break free from a loud inner critic and negative self-talk and cultivate a more positive mindset. Discover practical tips and strategies for quieting your inner critic and embracing self-love and acceptance.  

If you are struggling with self-criticism and would like support in cultivating greater self-compassion and a more balanced perspective in your thought life, Restore Renew Revive Counselling & Couples Therapy is here to help. Don’t let your inner critic hold you back from the life you were created for. Contact us at 902-702-7722 or visit our website at https://restorecounselling.ca to learn more and schedule an appointment today.

3 Ways to Improve Communication in Relationships

3 Ways to Improve Communication in Relationships

by | Mar 31, 2023 | couples, Couples/Marriage, Emotions, Issues for Women, Men's Issues

Communication is an essential component of healthy relationships, but many couples struggle to communicate effectively.  Often when emotions are running high, this becomes increasingly difficult to do and many couples report struggling to communicate effectively in their relationship. This can be for a number of reasons including childhood trauma, previous relationship traumas (including betrayals) and never having learned how to regulate emotions when they are hot.

People often are unaware of why they react the way they do in difficult conversations and are unable to ask for their needs to be met in a clear way. What often happen instead is that they get stuck in negative patterns of anger, criticism, indifference or shutting the conversation down. Emotionally Focused Couples Therapy (EFCT) refers to this as the negative cycle. When couples get caught frequently in the negative cycle, they become discouraged about their relationship and feel increasingly disconnected from each other.

Poor communication can lead to misunderstandings, hurt feelings, and even relationship breakdowns. Whether you’re dealing with conflicts, navigating differences, or just trying to connect with your partner, improving your communication skills can help you build stronger, more fulfilling relationships. In this blog, we’ll explore why good communication is important and three strategies for improving communication in relationships, so you can cultivate deeper understanding, trust, and intimacy with your partner.

Good communication is important for several reasons:

Good communication is essential in any type of relationship, including romantic ones. In a romantic relationship, effective communication helps to build trust, increase intimacy, and maintain a strong emotional connection between partners. There is never perfect communication in any relationship, however, it is possible to recognize when you are getting off track in your conversations and take a break, slow down or regulate your own internal state so you can better attune to your partner. In Emotionally Focused Couples Therapy this would be described as negative cycle deescalation or being able to recognize the negative cycle and stop it before it takes over the conversation.

Here are some specific reasons why good communication is so important in a romantic relationship:

1) Builds trust: Communication builds trust between partners. By communicating openly and honestly with each other, partners can build trust and feel secure in their relationship.

2) Helps resolves conflict: Communication helps resolve conflicts in a healthy and constructive way. When partners communicate effectively, they can identify the root cause of conflicts, express their feelings and needs, and work together to find a resolution.

3)Increases intimacy: Communication increases intimacy between partners. When partners communicate openly and honestly, they can share their deepest thoughts, feelings, and desires, which can strengthen their emotional connection and intimacy.

4) Fosters emotional support: Communication fosters emotional support between partners. When partners communicate effectively, they can provide emotional support to each other, which can help them cope with stress and difficult times.

5) Promotes shared goals and values: Communication promotes shared goals and values between partners. When partners communicate openly and honestly, they can share their goals and values, and work together to achieve them.

6) Builds a stronger foundation for the relationship: Communication builds a stronger foundation for the relationship.

By communicating openly and honestly with each other, partners can build a strong and resilient relationship that can weather the ups and downs of life. But this often feels easier said than done.

 

 

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3 Ways to Improve Communication in Your Relationships

Be Fully Present

Active listening means giving your partner your full attention and really hearing what they are saying. This means putting aside distractions and avoiding interrupting your partner while they speak. Make eye contact and fully listen to what the other person is saying and how they are saying it.

This is important because mirror neurons, which are specialized cells in the brain, are perceiving the expression and engagement of the other person below the level of our conscious awareness.

These neurons are thought to play a role in empathy, social cognition, and imitation. They play a role in understanding and interpreting nonverbal cues such as facial expressions, body language, and tone of voice. For example, when one partner in a conversation expresses sadness, the other partner may activate mirror neurons that help them feel and understand the other person’s emotions.This can be helpful in building rapport and trust with the other person.

Overall, the role of mirror neurons in communication is still an area of active research. However, it is clear that these neurons play an important role in understanding and interpreting nonverbal cues, which can be a critical component of effective communication.  For this reason, it is very important to be fully present in your conversations.

If you’d like to learn more about mirror neurons Marco Iacoboni, author of the book “Mirroring People” has a very interesting lecture on this topic.

Validate

Validation means acknowledging your partner’s feelings, even if you don’t agree with them. This can help your partner feel heard and understood, which can improve communication.

Avoid arguing or debating with the person about their feelings. Instead, focus on understanding their perspective and finding common ground.

Try offering support and encouragement to the person, even if you don’t agree with their perspective. Let them know that you are there for them and that you care about their feelings.

 

Take Responsibility for Your Feelings and Actions

Taking responsibility for your own feelings can help avoid blaming your partner for how you feel. Share with your partner about the impact of the situation on you and how it is to be in your shoes.

Be open to feedback from the other person, and be willing to listen to their perspective. Accepting feedback can help you understand the impact of your actions and make positive changes in your behavior. Acknowledge your mistakes and express a willingness to make amends.

These are just some of the ways you can improve your communication with others. You may also want to seek the guidance of a couples’ therapist who can offer you even more strategies and a safe space to share your feelings. 

 

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Emotionally Focused Couples Therapy

Emotionally Focused Couples Therapy (EFT) is a form of therapy that focuses on improving emotional connection and communication between couples. It is based on attachment theory, which suggests that humans have a basic need for secure emotional connections with others.

In EFT, the therapist helps couples identify and express their emotions, understand their patterns of interaction, and create new ways of communicating and connecting. EFT has been found to be effective in improving relationship satisfaction, reducing conflict, and promoting emotional connection in couples. It can be helpful for couples who are experiencing a range of difficulties, including communication problems, conflict, infidelity, and other issues.

If you are struggling with communication in your romantic relationship, don’t hesitate to reach out for help. Marcy Daniels, MSW, RSW can provide you with the support and guidance you need to improve your communication skills and build a stronger, healthier relationship. Contact her today at 902-702-7722 or visit our website at https://restorecounselling.ca to learn more about our services and how she can help you

 

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